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Items tagged with: humor

Oh, look! More tweets from my recent Twitter timeline

@MooseAllain:
You know what they say, plastic makes perspex.

@pauleggleston:
I saw a statue of Cinderella today. I didn't like it, but I found the plinth charming.

@Cain_Unable:
My wife just threw a box of Quinoa at my head. It almost knocked me uncouscous.

@thechrisschmidt:
Me, at a funeral: Good night, sweet prince.
Mourner: Dude, not cool.
Me: What, did he hate Shakespeare?
Mourner: No, he had diabetes.

@MooseAllain:
tortoise: beer?
turtle: just tea, thanks
tortoise: wine?
turtle: no, tea please
tortoise: sure?
turtle: yes I'm [turns to camera] Tea Turtle

#humour #humor

#humour #humor

Garry Knight 2 days ago

Even more tweets from my recent Twitter timeline

@craiguito:
I’ve been diagnosed with attention something something

@MooseAllain:
I do like to travel around Louisiana by piggyback, upon a Cajun.

@WhaJoTalkinBout:
art teacher: is that a bird or a plane
young clark kent: crumples self portrait

@IHPower:
I watched a documentary on cannabis last night. I haven't a clue what it was about.

@TomFoxTom:
TOP TIP: Fool people into thinking you have mysteriously disappeared by

#humour #humor

#humour #humor

Jay Bryant 2 days ago

#Christmas #humor

Joseph Teller 3 days ago

Jay Bryant

2019-12-08 07:51:44

One for @Lesley 😺 and some other folks.

#humor #Christmas

@Lesley 😺 #humor #Christmas

Jay Bryant 3 days ago

One for @Lesley 😺 and some other folks.

#humor #Christmas

@Lesley 😺 #humor #Christmas

Noam Bergman 3 days ago

Katherine Bond

2019-12-07 18:07:19

For those of you starting your shopping.

#humor

#humor

Katherine Bond 3 days ago

For those of you starting your shopping.

#humor

#humor

Paul Ferguson 4 days ago

heyokyay

2019-12-06 20:39:43

Modern Drama | https://heyokyay.com/modern-drama/

#internet #productive #comic #comics #humor #heyokyay

#internet #productive #comic #comics #humor #heyokyay

heyokyay 4 days ago

Modern Drama | https://heyokyay.com/modern-drama/

#internet #productive #comic #comics #humor #heyokyay

#internet #productive #comic #comics #humor #heyokyay

Jay Bryant 5 days ago

#NSFW #humor

Jay Bryant 6 days ago

#humor

Garry Knight 1 week ago

Even more tweets from my recent Twitter timeline

@GlennyRodge:
MAGICIAN: Is this your card?
MAN: No
MAGICIAN: Is this your card?
MAN: No. When is our regular postman back from holiday?

@WhaJoTalkinBout:
me: can Bigfoot mate with a Yeti
Google: ok one more then bedtime for real

@MooseAllain:
"What colour would you call this?"
"Fawn"
"What colour would you call this, o wise and beautiful identifier of colours?"

@ojedge:
Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse? Better... or worse?

@Pundamentalism:
Actually, Jeff Bezos is the operating system - the robot is called Jeff Bez.

#humour #humor #joke #Twitter

#humour #humor #joke #Twitter

Garry Knight 1 week ago

If you want to know where beer comes from, it's Maida Vale.

#humour #humor #JustAJokeButOnlyJust

#humour #humor #JustAJokeButOnlyJust

Passagier 451 1 week ago

L00pesth3.r

2019-06-10 19:55:40

13 years ago..
#privacy #humor

#privacy #humor

Jay Bryant 1 week ago

#NSFW #humor

Michael Fenichel 2 weeks ago

Lots of Synchronicity today
in exchanges around Thanksgiving tables (U.S. major holiday) - and including music memories from Thanksgivings Past.

Like: "You can get anything you want ('xcepting Alice") at the Thanksgiving Massacree discussion you'll find at
Alice's Restaurant

[ Full movie: https://youtu.be/sP05C_agI3k ]

And that is a "thin slice" of Thanksgiving U.S.A. - while I'm in a cool place with wi-fi, stuffed like a turkey.... Like so many others.

Hope those celebrating, from exchanges (of music, stories, and opinion) to "Black Friday" madness, had fun, stuffing & all.

#thanksgiving #alicesrestaurant #arloguthrie #traditions #music #musica #musique #holiday #humor

YouTube: THE POLICE - SYNCHRONICITY II - Synchronicity (1983) HiDef :: SOTW #73 (BERGO '45)

#thanksgiving #alicesrestaurant #arloguthrie #traditions #music #musica #musique #holiday #humor

Garry Knight 2 weeks ago

When I put my Dr Marten's boots on the other day, I wasn't wearing them. It's a pair o' Docs.

No, you shut up!

#humour #humor

#humour #humor

Garry Knight 2 weeks ago

Sorry, Mr Cruise. You can't go in, but your pet marsupial can. Possum's admissible.

#humour #humor

#humour #humor

Garry Knight 2 weeks ago

I’m sorry, Mr Cruise, a huge priest is blocking the jungle path. Missionary’s impassable.

#humour #humor

#humour #humor

Di Cleverly 2 weeks ago

Christoph S

2019-11-26 10:02:19

If It Moves It's Biology
If It Stinks It's Chemistry
If It Doesn't Work It's Physics

#science #humor

#science #humor

Christoph S 2 weeks ago

If It Moves It's Biology
If It Stinks It's Chemistry
If It Doesn't Work It's Physics

#science #humor

#science #humor

Jay Bryant 2 weeks ago

#humor

Jay Bryant 2 weeks ago

Fear of giants: Feefiphobia. 😀

#humor

#humor

Passagier 451 3 weeks ago

Carbon and Hydrogen…

#bond #carbon #hydrogen #atoms #humor
Source:

comics Archives - Lard Wants World Peace

^{lardwantsworldpeace.com}

#bond #carbon #hydrogen #atoms #humor

Passagier 451 3 weeks ago

µĸ

2019-11-16 18:18:51

Venice: Council chamber flooded just after the majority party rejected all the amendments to deal with climate change

On 12 November 2019, in the Veneto Regional Council, was discussed the stability law relating to the Regional Budget 2020, when at around 10 pm the water started, for the first time in the history, to flood the council chamber with the consequent escape of all the councilors, councilors, officials, employees and many others.

Ironically, the council hall was flooded two minutes after the majority parties (Lega, Fratelli d'Italia and Forza Italia) rejected all the amendments to deal with climate change.

Here's what happens to ignore climate change!

#climate-change #politics #humor #political-stupidity #venice #high-water #stop-climate-change #fff #global-warming #environment

#climate-change #politics #humor #political-stupidity #venice #high-water #stop-climate-change #fff #global-warming #environment

µĸ 3 weeks ago

Venice: Council chamber flooded just after the majority party rejected all the amendments to deal with climate change

On 12 November 2019, in the Veneto Regional Council, was discussed the stability law relating to the Regional Budget 2020, when at around 10 pm the water started, for the first time in the history, to flood the council chamber with the consequent escape of all the councilors, councilors, officials, employees and many others.

Ironically, the council hall was flooded two minutes after the majority parties (Lega, Fratelli d'Italia and Forza Italia) rejected all the amendments to deal with climate change.

Here's what happens to ignore climate change!

#climate-change #politics #humor #political-stupidity #venice #high-water #stop-climate-change #fff #global-warming #environment

#climate-change #politics #humor #political-stupidity #venice #high-water #stop-climate-change #fff #global-warming #environment

Paul Ferguson 4 weeks ago

Rob Anybody

2019-11-15 01:44:02

Well made "ad". Take action soon before you lose your health insurance.
reshare from @Frederick Wilson II

#humor

#politics

(https://youtu.be/QXUlhT3-r0c)

http://posts/5699fd90e9530137d81e005056264835
^posts

@Frederick Wilson II #humor #politics

Rob Anybody 4 weeks ago

Well made "ad". Take action soon before you lose your health insurance.

reshare from @Frederick Wilson II

#humor

#politics

(https://youtu.be/QXUlhT3-r0c)

http://posts/5699fd90e9530137d81e005056264835

^posts

@Frederick Wilson II #humor #politics

Frederick Wilson II 4 weeks ago

#humor

#politics

(https://youtu.be/QXUlhT3-r0c)

YouTube: Impeachara ® (Sam Friedlander)

#humor #politics

Garry Knight 4 weeks ago

I can prove that marriage doesn't exist.

How?

Every single person on (or off) the planet isn't married.

Your move.

#humour #humor

#humour #humor

Garry Knight 4 weeks ago

I’ve been trying to follow Shakespeare’s instructions for getting a good night's sleep, but I’m not entirely sure where I’m supposed to perch the ants.

#humour #humor #joke

#humour #humor #joke

Passagier 451 1 month ago

Stef

2019-10-26 12:56:12

#Chatmedi #Caturday #Humour #Humor #Dogs #Chiens #Chats #Cats

#Chatmedi #Caturday #Humour #Humor #Dogs #Chiens #Chats #Cats

Stef 2 months ago

#Chatmedi #Caturday #Humour #Humor #Dogs #Chiens #Chats #Cats

★ The Revolution Times ★ 1 month ago

budovonstahl

2019-11-09 19:13:05

Some good #humor here every week
The Week in Pictures: Epstein Meme Edition

#humor

budovonstahl 1 month ago

Some good #humor here every week

The Week in Pictures: Epstein Meme Edition

#humor

hoergen on Friendica 1 month ago from fediverseration

#Dark #Humor

♲ Codeawayhaley - 2019-11-09 05:14:03 GMT

Image: Sign at the front of a bookstore that says "The post-apocalyptic fiction section has been moved to Current Affairs."

#Dark

Ⓐ☭⛤Cute Side of the Dark Side (@[email protected])

10.7K Toots, 147 Following · Main account @[email protected] 24yo Autistic, Trans Girl, Biromantic Lesbian, Neuropsychologist & Neuroinformatician, Computer Nerd.

^{mastodon.starrevolution.org}

#Dark #Humor

Erik Retallick 1 month ago

Katherine Bond

2019-11-04 21:46:08

#humor #fairytales

#humor #fairytales

Katherine Bond 1 month ago

#humor #fairytales

Garry Knight 1 month ago

Even more tweets from my recent Twitter timeline

@craiguito:
If I was a plastic surgeon, my motto would be 'New nose is good nose'

@TweetsByKaylee:
cat: plays fiddle
cow: jumps over moon
dishes: run away
farmer: sets down bong

@Okeating:
The font of all human knowledge is Univers Condensed.

@IHPower:
Yes, I do get a high from brake fluid. But I can stop any time I like!

@MooseAllain:
So it turns out 'confirmation bias' means exactly what I expected it to mean.
#humour #humor #Twitter

#humour #humor #Twitter

Garry Knight 1 month ago

It's the day after Hallowe'en, so let's take a look at what the undead were doing yesterday.

Oh, look, here's a BBC News headline: Boris Johnson rejects pact with Nigel Farage

Huh! Still trying to avoid that ditch...

#humour #humor

#humour #humor

Passagier 451 1 month ago

Spinx

2018-08-31 11:41:27

#humor #werewolf

#humor #werewolf

Garry Knight 1 month ago

More tweets from my recent Twitter timeline

@Pundamentalism:
Fool me once with your access to the spirit world, shaman you.
Fool me twice with your access to the spirit world, shaman me.

@GlennyRodge:
Give a man a fish & he'll say "what's this? I ordered chicken". Teach a man to fish & he's all "you're an awful waiter" & "get the manager".

@Phil_Pagett:
I used to work in a water cooler factory. To be honest, we didn’t get much done.

@craiguito:
Who called it Alcatraz and not Jailhouse Rock

@GlennyRodge:
Feed a duck some bread & he eats for a day. Teach a duck to speak, get a little suit & a job interview and I've lost my train of thought now

#humour #humor #Twitter

#humour #humor #Twitter

Garry Knight 1 month ago

Long line of people outside the clock shop this morning. Something big going on...

#humour #humor #joke

#humour #humor #joke

Garry Knight 2 months ago

Runner? Cyclist? Drink lots of milk. It builds up calves.

#humour #humor #DadJokes

#humour #humor #DadJokes

Garry Knight 2 months ago

More tweets from my recent Twitter feed

@GlennyRodge:
My phone has just changed the word 'autocorrect' to 'custard trumpets'.
Damn you, custard trumpets.

@Pundamentalism:
I used to be friends with a guy who was a furniture decorator and a mime artist, and then one day he just varnished into thin air.

@muffkin7:
My flatmate has just earned a PhD in palindromes.
She'll now be known as Dr Awkward.

@Pundamentalism:
People who write "you couldn't make it up" are going to get a real shock when they learn about fiction.

@GlennyRodge:
"My dog does magic tricks."
"Really? What breed is he?"
"He's a labracadabrador."

#humour #humor #Twitter

#humour #humor #Twitter

Garry Knight 2 months ago

Daylight Savings Time

For people in the UK, from Twitter user @craiguito:

If you can't remember whether the clocks go forward or back this weekend, here's a handy phrase to help you: the clocks go back this weekend

#humour #humor

If you can't remember whether the clocks go forward or back this weekend, here's a handy phrase to help you: the clocks go back this weekend
— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈 (@craiguito) October 25, 2017

#humour #humor

Garry Knight 2 months ago

"What do we want?"
"Now!"
"Time travel!"
"When do we want it?"

#humour #humor #joke

#humour #humor #joke

Christoph S 2 months ago

Good evening, #humor is a general category which works well. Otherwise I try to keep up #goaturday
Otherwise #moodoftheday and #worldoftoilets or #gutenmorgenkaffee
#programming is also a good thing to follow

#humor #goaturday #moodoftheday #worldoftoilets #gutenmorgenkaffee #programming

Garry Knight 2 months ago

Apple have announced that they are going to discontinue use of the Lightning and Thunderbolt connectors in future products and replace them with the Galileo Peekaboo interface.

Users said the Thunderbolt and Lightning were "Very, very frightening ME!".

(Oh, and how's that earworm coming along?)

#humour #humor

#humour #humor

Fla 2 months ago

Trolling the car...

#gif #troll #car #humor

#gif #troll #car #humor