Some tweets from my Twitter timeline@craiguito
- me meeting an earl@cluedont
Cashier: '£1.49 please.'
Me: hands over £20
Cashier: 'Have you got anything smaller?'
Me: hands over matchbox containing tiny beetle@ItsAndyRyan
Me: I need an anagram of 'maths cookout'
Her: That's too much to ask
Me: Brilliant, you're a genius@JimmyFer1077650
I took two stuffed dogs on to the antiques roadshow.
'Oooh' said the presenter 'have you any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?'
'Sticks' i said.@joemuggs
Man loses his dog, so he puts an ad in the paper: “here boy!”