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Items tagged with: humor

Oh, look! More tweets from my recent Twitter timeline


@MooseAllain:
You know what they say, plastic makes perspex.

@pauleggleston:
I saw a statue of Cinderella today. I didn't like it, but I found the plinth charming.

@Cain_Unable:
My wife just threw a box of Quinoa at my head. It almost knocked me uncouscous.

@thechrisschmidt:
Me, at a funeral: Good night, sweet prince.
Mourner: Dude, not cool.
Me: What, did he hate Shakespeare?
Mourner: No, he had diabetes.

@MooseAllain:
tortoise: beer?
turtle: just tea, thanks
tortoise: wine?
turtle: no, tea please
tortoise: sure?
turtle: yes I'm [turns to camera] Tea Turtle

#humour #humor
 

Even more tweets from my recent Twitter timeline


@craiguito:
I’ve been diagnosed with attention something something

@MooseAllain:
I do like to travel around Louisiana by piggyback, upon a Cajun.

@WhaJoTalkinBout:
art teacher: is that a bird or a plane
young clark kent: crumples self portrait

@IHPower:
I watched a documentary on cannabis last night. I haven't a clue what it was about.

@TomFoxTom:
TOP TIP: Fool people into thinking you have mysteriously disappeared by

#humour #humor
 
 
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For those of you starting your shopping.

#humor
 

Even more tweets from my recent Twitter timeline


@GlennyRodge:
MAGICIAN: Is this your card?
MAN: No
MAGICIAN: Is this your card?
MAN: No. When is our regular postman back from holiday?

@WhaJoTalkinBout:
me: can Bigfoot mate with a Yeti
Google: ok one more then bedtime for real

@MooseAllain:
"What colour would you call this?"
"Fawn"
"What colour would you call this, o wise and beautiful identifier of colours?"

@ojedge:
Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse? Better... or worse?

@Pundamentalism:
Actually, Jeff Bezos is the operating system - the robot is called Jeff Bez.

#humour #humor #joke #Twitter
 
If you want to know where beer comes from, it's Maida Vale.

#humour #humor #JustAJokeButOnlyJust
 
Lots of Synchronicity today
in exchanges around Thanksgiving tables (U.S. major holiday) - and including music memories from Thanksgivings Past.


Like: "You can get anything you want ('xcepting Alice") at the Thanksgiving Massacree discussion you'll find at
Alice's Restaurant


[ Full movie: https://youtu.be/sP05C_agI3k ]

And that is a "thin slice" of Thanksgiving U.S.A. - while I'm in a cool place with wi-fi, stuffed like a turkey.... Like so many others.

Hope those celebrating, from exchanges (of music, stories, and opinion) to "Black Friday" madness, had fun, stuffing & all.

#thanksgiving #alicesrestaurant #arloguthrie #traditions #music #musica #musique #holiday #humor
 
When I put my Dr Marten's boots on the other day, I wasn't wearing them. It's a pair o' Docs.

No, you shut up!

#humour #humor
 
Sorry, Mr Cruise. You can't go in, but your pet marsupial can. Possum's admissible.

#humour #humor
 
I’m sorry, Mr Cruise, a huge priest is blocking the jungle path. Missionary’s impassable.

#humour #humor
 
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If It Moves It's Biology
If It Stinks It's Chemistry
If It Doesn't Work It's Physics

#science #humor
 
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If It Moves It's Biology
If It Stinks It's Chemistry
If It Doesn't Work It's Physics

#science #humor
 
Fear of giants: Feefiphobia. 😀

#humor
 
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Venice: Council chamber flooded just after the majority party rejected all the amendments to deal with climate change


On 12 November 2019, in the Veneto Regional Council, was discussed the stability law relating to the Regional Budget 2020, when at around 10 pm the water started, for the first time in the history, to flood the council chamber with the consequent escape of all the councilors, councilors, officials, employees and many others.

Ironically, the council hall was flooded two minutes after the majority parties (Lega, Fratelli d'Italia and Forza Italia) rejected all the amendments to deal with climate change.

Here's what happens to ignore climate change!

#climate-change #politics #humor #political-stupidity #venice #high-water #stop-climate-change #fff #global-warming #environment
 
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Image/Photo

Venice: Council chamber flooded just after the majority party rejected all the amendments to deal with climate change


On 12 November 2019, in the Veneto Regional Council, was discussed the stability law relating to the Regional Budget 2020, when at around 10 pm the water started, for the first time in the history, to flood the council chamber with the consequent escape of all the councilors, councilors, officials, employees and many others.

Ironically, the council hall was flooded two minutes after the majority parties (Lega, Fratelli d'Italia and Forza Italia) rejected all the amendments to deal with climate change.

Here's what happens to ignore climate change!

#climate-change #politics #humor #political-stupidity #venice #high-water #stop-climate-change #fff #global-warming #environment
 
I can prove that marriage doesn't exist.

How?

Every single person on (or off) the planet isn't married.

Your move.

#humour #humor
 
I’ve been trying to follow Shakespeare’s instructions for getting a good night's sleep, but I’m not entirely sure where I’m supposed to perch the ants.

#humour #humor #joke
 
Some good #humor here every week
The Week in Pictures: Epstein Meme Edition
 
Some good #humor here every week
The Week in Pictures: Epstein Meme Edition
 
#Dark #Humor
Codeawayhaley - 2019-11-09 05:14:03 GMT
Image: Sign at the front of a bookstore that says "The post-apocalyptic fiction section has been moved to Current Affairs."

#Dark
 

Even more tweets from my recent Twitter timeline


@craiguito:
If I was a plastic surgeon, my motto would be 'New nose is good nose'

@TweetsByKaylee:
cat: plays fiddle
cow: jumps over moon
dishes: run away
farmer: sets down bong

@Okeating:
The font of all human knowledge is Univers Condensed.

@IHPower:
Yes, I do get a high from brake fluid. But I can stop any time I like!

@MooseAllain:
So it turns out 'confirmation bias' means exactly what I expected it to mean.
#humour #humor #Twitter
 
It's the day after Hallowe'en, so let's take a look at what the undead were doing yesterday.

Oh, look, here's a BBC News headline: Boris Johnson rejects pact with Nigel Farage

Huh! Still trying to avoid that ditch...

#humour #humor
 

More tweets from my recent Twitter timeline


@Pundamentalism:
Fool me once with your access to the spirit world, shaman you.
Fool me twice with your access to the spirit world, shaman me.

@GlennyRodge:
Give a man a fish & he'll say "what's this? I ordered chicken". Teach a man to fish & he's all "you're an awful waiter" & "get the manager".

@Phil_Pagett:
I used to work in a water cooler factory. To be honest, we didn’t get much done.

@craiguito:
Who called it Alcatraz and not Jailhouse Rock

@GlennyRodge:
Feed a duck some bread & he eats for a day. Teach a duck to speak, get a little suit & a job interview and I've lost my train of thought now

#humour #humor #Twitter
 
Long line of people outside the clock shop this morning. Something big going on...

#humour #humor #joke
 
Runner? Cyclist? Drink lots of milk. It builds up calves.

#humour #humor #DadJokes
 

More tweets from my recent Twitter feed


@GlennyRodge:
My phone has just changed the word 'autocorrect' to 'custard trumpets'.
Damn you, custard trumpets.

@Pundamentalism:
I used to be friends with a guy who was a furniture decorator and a mime artist, and then one day he just varnished into thin air.

@muffkin7:
My flatmate has just earned a PhD in palindromes.
She'll now be known as Dr Awkward.

@Pundamentalism:
People who write "you couldn't make it up" are going to get a real shock when they learn about fiction.

@GlennyRodge:
"My dog does magic tricks."
"Really? What breed is he?"
"He's a labracadabrador."

#humour #humor #Twitter
 

Daylight Savings Time


For people in the UK, from Twitter user @craiguito:
If you can't remember whether the clocks go forward or back this weekend, here's a handy phrase to help you: the clocks go back this weekend
#humour #humor
 
"What do we want?"
"Now!"
"Time travel!"
"When do we want it?"

#humour #humor #joke
 
Good evening, #humor is a general category which works well. Otherwise I try to keep up #goaturday
Otherwise #moodoftheday and #worldoftoilets or #gutenmorgenkaffee
#programming is also a good thing to follow
 
Apple have announced that they are going to discontinue use of the Lightning and Thunderbolt connectors in future products and replace them with the Galileo Peekaboo interface.

Users said the Thunderbolt and Lightning were "Very, very frightening ME!".

(Oh, and how's that earworm coming along?)

#humour #humor
 
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Trolling the car...

#gif #troll #car #humor
 
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